LDR partner has no time for you

LDR: What to do when your partner has no time for you?

Did your long distance lover happen to be the busy one? I know the feeling. It might be a bit frustrating at times. You would gladly spend every minute laughing with your partner as it is the closest thing to actual proximity in a long distance relationship. And yet… there you are waiting, casually browsing through Youtube or Facebook. Ironically, what might happen is that once you do talk to your significant other – you feel kinda irritated. Makes no sense, right? It should not, yet it happens. This is no way healthy for your long distance relationship. That’s why I’ve prepared a list of distractions that will make time fly by and give you plenty to talk about in your next chat.

Psychology

First things first, let’s bring some psychology into this. Have you noticed how scrolling down Facebook feels alright while doing it, but once you are done you sometimes feel a void inside yourself? And on the contrary, you sometimes are “in the zone” and you are like: “is it midnight already?” The term for this “zone” is called the flow. And it is not only limited to creating activities like drawing. Actually, you experienced the flow the last time when you had that extremely funny chat with your LDR partner. You reach the flow when you do some activities that require some skill and are challenging. The opposite of that would be apathy, e.g. when you mechanically browse through social networks. Now this sound all good in theory, but how does that look in practice?

LDR Flow chart

Sports

This is very effective, especially if you have that “waiting for my LDR lover to call” irritation build up in you. Common knowledge tells us to take a walk when we are angry, yet this is somewhat automatic, and we want to avoid that. A better alternative is starting sports. Statistically this applies to around 50% of college students, as that’s how many do not engage in sports in the US. If you happen to be one of the 50%, that’s even better. The first 2 months give the fastest gains. This means that you’ll be constantly getting stronger which is great for keeping yourself motivated. Indoors with weights or outside on a pull up bar – does not really matter, you will improve either way. However it would be better not to do sports inside of your room, so that you would not get stuck in one place. The best thing about this is, when you have a break from your long distance relationship (by that I mean meet) she’ll definitely notice the change, hence so will you 😉

Oh did I mention that even 5 minutes of sports cause a release of endorphins? A.k.a. make you feel good? Tell me, if that is not a benefit for your long distance relationship?

Social circle

What happens to many is that they forget to talk to anyone, but their LDR partner. Have you heard the saying that you are the average of closest five friends? What is means is that e.g. if you surround yourself with happy people, you’ll be happier. Well in this particular long distance case, there are no five friends. This should be fixed. So getting back to the “flow” chart from earlier… When you talk to someone, you’re already using a skill. So depending on the intensity of the conversation you should be either relaxed or engaged in learning. Both work great for making time fly by :). Now we are only looking at friends as a distraction when waiting for your LDR lover. If you want to read more why it is important to have a social circle while in a long distance relationship, you can check out:

Long distance relationship in college

Short tricks

Another psychological trick that messes around with our time perception is dividing the period in smaller pieces. For us LDR folks this means doing lots of short activities. What I like to do is learn party tricks. They are easy to find and quick to learn. Youtube is full of channels like Scamschool or 52cards. The best part is – they are great fun in social settings 😀 This does not mean that you should now head out and learn magic. Maybe you like reading, maybe video games. You can find a new hobby that requires step by step progression. Let’s say joggling. Or start learning to play a guitar. There are plenty of love songs you can pick up in minutes. Experiement with this. Just remember that keeping yourself busy is the best way to deal with those reoccurring waiting moments in your long distance relationship.

If you can’t stop thinking about her/him

Well, at times it is almost impossible to take your mind of your LDR crush. It’s natural. I would even say that it is a good sign, because you care about the person you love. In such instances there is no need to try to run away from those thoughts (as if you could, right? 🙂 Make use of them. Write a letter, a poem, draw a little drawing. Whatever you and your significant are into. Plan your next date – whether a long distance date on Facetime or a real one. The whole idea is to focus on the positives of your relationship. The loneliness in your long distance relationship can quickly plant a seed of negative thoughts into your mind. That is unnecessary.

Sleep

No joke, this is an actual psychological advice. I suppose, you can see why it might work. Time does move faster while asleep and hardly anyone wakes up all angry. However, I personally haven’t tried this one out yet. But you know what they say: whatever helps you survive long distance 😀

Final thoughts

The whole idea is to find things to do that keep you from getting negative thoughts. They happen when your brain tries to rationalise your inner irritation. So it’s not your partner that’s responsible, but the situation overall. Find something to distract yourself. It is even better if those distractions help you learn new things,because you can use them to spice up your long distance relationship ;).

Tell us if you have any suggestions for future blogpost.

Cheers. Survive long distance.

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